You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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