The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
