it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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