i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
