Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
