went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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