My room smells like vodka and shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did i walk over a car last night?
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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