farters have to be the big spoon...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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