He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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