We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
