Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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