dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
