I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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