apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize