wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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