There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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