my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
