I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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