I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
