I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
