Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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