doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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