my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
