It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
