WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
