Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
