Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
