And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
