I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
