A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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