he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
