My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
