It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
