He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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