babies were throwing up all over the place
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
