she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
