how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!