It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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