Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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