my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
