if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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