I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
