Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is this like a preordered booty call?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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