What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
