Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
