I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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