you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
