She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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