He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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