i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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