So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize