I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
