Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
