Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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