I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
