my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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