Plan B is the new Plan A
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
