i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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