I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
