I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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