How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
