I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm at about main and main street
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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