just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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