He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
