for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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