is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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