why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
