Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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