She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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