he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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