I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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