I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my being single is dangerous.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
