Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
