one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
