Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
