Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
