I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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